Exploring Alternative Options
A new way of helping couples where one person is not sure that marriage counseling would help--and the other is interested in rebuilding the marriage.
If you or your spouse are considering divorce...
But are not completely sure that’s the best path, you are in a tough spot. Discernment Counseling is designed for you. It’s a chance to slow down, take a breath, and look at your options for your marriage.
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Discernment Counseling
Discernment Counseling is a new way of helping couples where one person is “leaning out” of the relationship—and not sure that regular marriage counseling would help--and the other is "leaning in”—that is, interested in rebuilding the marriage.
The counselor will help you decide whether to try to restore your marriage to health, move toward divorce, or take a time out and decide later.
A Beacon of Clarity in Uncertain Times
In the complex landscape of long-term relationships, there are moments when the path forward becomes unclear.
Perhaps you or your partner have contemplated divorce, yet a part of you wonders if there might be another way.
This is where Discernment Counseling steps in – not as a last-ditch effort to save a marriage, but as a thoughtful exploration of your relationship's potential futures.
What Sets Discernment Counseling Apart?
Discernment Counseling is a specialized approach designed for couples standing at a crossroads. It's particularly suited for situations where:
Our primary objective is to...
...guide you towards a deeper understanding of your relationship, its history, and its possible futures. Through this process, you'll gain the clarity and confidence needed to make decisions about your path forward.
The goal is for you to...
Gain clarity and confidence about a direction, based on a deeper understanding of your relationship and its possibilities for the future.
The goal is not to solve your marital problems but to see if they are solvable.
You will each be treated with compassion and respect no matter how you are feeling about your marriage at the moment.
No bad guys and good guys.
Three Paths to Move Forward:
A Roadmap for Your Relationship
At the heart of Discernment Counseling lies a crucial understanding: there's no one-size-fits-all solution for couples in distress.
Instead, we explore three distinct paths, each offering its own set of possibilities and challenges:
Maintaining the Status Quo
Sometimes, the best decision is to pause major changes. This path involves maintaining your current situation, but with a newfound clarity about your relationship dynamics. It's not about settling, but about making an informed choice to stay the course while you continue to reflect and grow.
Moving Towards Divorce
If, after careful consideration, ending the relationship emerges as the best option, we can help guide you towards an amicable separation. This path focuses on maintaining respect and open communication, which is especially crucial if you'll be co-parenting or maintaining any form of ongoing connection.
Committing to Couples Therapy
For some, Discernment Counseling reveals a shared desire to rebuild. This path involves a committed dive into intensive couples therapy, typically for a six-month period. It's a chance to address core issues and rediscover connection, armed with new insights and tools.
Each of these paths is valid, and our role is to help you determine which one aligns best with your individual and shared needs.
The Discernment Counseling Process: A Structured Approach to Clarity
The Power of Individual Conversations
One of the most distinctive aspects of Discernment Counseling is the emphasis on one-on-one discussions between each partner and the counselor.
This approach offers several key benefits:
Safe Space for Reflection
Individual sessions provide a confidential environment where each partner can openly explore their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or immediate reaction from their spouse.
Deeper Personal Insights
Working one-on-one with the counselor allows for a more profound exploration of personal history, values, and desires that may be influencing your perspective on the relationship.
Identifying Patterns
These sessions help uncover individual contributions to relationship dynamics, often revealing patterns that may have roots in past experiences or unexamined assumptions.
Challenging Perspectives
The counselor can gently challenge each partner's viewpoint, encouraging a broader understanding of the situation and potential for change.
Preparing for Couples Work
If the decision is made to pursue couples therapy, these individual sessions lay crucial groundwork, helping each partner enter that process with greater self-awareness and commitment.
By spending time with each partner individually, we create a foundation of understanding that can lead to more productive discussions when you come together as a couple. This approach respects that you and your partner may be starting from different places in terms of your vision for the relationship's future.
Our Compassionate, Balanced Approach
At the core of Discernment Counseling is a commitment to treating both partners with equal respect and compassion, regardless of their current stance on the relationship.
We believe in:
Non-Judgmental Exploration
There are no "bad guys" or "good guys" in this process. We recognize that relationship challenges are complex and rarely one-sided.
Future-Focused Thinking
While we examine past patterns, our primary focus is on exploring potential futures and what each path might mean for you both individually and as a couple.
Personal Growth Emphasis
Regardless of the ultimate decision about your relationship, we aim to foster individual growth and self-awareness that will benefit you in all areas of life.
What You Can Expect from the Process
A Slowed-Down Approach
We create space to thoroughly examine all options, free from the pressure of hasty decisions.
Self-Reflection
You'll be encouraged to look at your own contributions to the relationship dynamics, fostering personal responsibility and growth.
Expanded Perspectives
Gain new insights into your relationship, your partner, and yourself that can inform your decision-making.
Valuable Life Skills
The communication and self-reflection tools you'll learn are valuable for all relationships, current and future.
You will come in as a couple...
But the most important work occurs in the one-to-one conversations with the counselor.
Why? Because you are starting out in different places.
The counselor respects your reasons for divorce while trying to open up the possibility of restoring the marriage to health.
The counselor emphasizes...
The importance of each of you seeing your own contributions to the problems and the possible solutions. This will be useful in future relationships even if this one ends.
Number of Sessions: maximum of 5 counseling sessions.
The first session is usually 2 hours and the subsequent are 1.5 or 2 hours.
Is Discernment Counseling Right for Your Situation?
While Discernment Counseling can be transformative for many couples, it's not suitable for every situation. Let's explore when it might be the right choice and when another approach would be more appropriate.
Discernment Counseling Is Ideal For:
Discernment Counseling May Not Be Suitable When:
If you're unsure whether Discernment Counseling is the right fit for your situation, we encourage you to reach out. Our initial consultation can help determine the most appropriate path forward for you and your partner.
Get to know your Discernment Counselors
Discernment Counseling is not suited for these situations:
When one spouse has already made a final decision to divorce
When one spouse is coercing the other to participate
When there is danger of domestic violence
The key to solving your problems is to deepen your connection with one another and to find healthy ways of resolving your differences.
Make Today the Day!
It all starts with a free personalized phone consultation.
Take the first step. Feel better!
Schedule a 15-minute Phone consultation.
Discernment Counseling
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